This was written sometime in the future, after my 8 week internship with Charlie Sheen actual job here
Day One: Meet Charlie. Seems to be a stand up guy. Besides walking around with porn stars. This might take getting used to. Welcomes me on to Team Winning. We have a discussion about how to properly pronounce winning. "It's 'Winning'"..."no no..it's 'WINNING'".."oh, so WINNING".."no...this goes on for five hours.
Day Two: Charlie wakes me up with a 5 o clock phone call. Something about sleeping is for losers and Chuck Lorre. I get into the office, and he forces me to drink Tigers Blood and take a shot of Adonis DNA. Feel sick..
Day Three: Meet the kids. All of them. Not just the five on paper. Takes all day. Go out and get vasectomy.
Day Four: Charlie has me go over to the Warner Bros lot in LA and shout at the gates. Says I can't be a rock star from Mars if I have a smooth voice.
Day Five Thru Ten: Call Chuck Lorre, Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller 5 times daily and hang up.
Day Eleven: Machete Lessons
Day Twelve: Charlie wants me to call him Carlos. he doesn't answer to Charlie anymore.
Day Thirteen: Pee in a cup. Charlie asks if I've had any drugs in the last 24 hours. Weird.
Day Fourteen: Charlie invites me up to his place for an 'Epic' party. we'll see about that.
Day 56: I have a sleeve tattoo, and porn stars beside me. Charlie welcomes me to his 'terrestrial realm' I hop on the next bus out of L.A.
